


The Iron Reindeer

by Selysin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, M/M, Misunderstandings, Science Bros, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, death rays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22789156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selysin/pseuds/Selysin
Summary: Loki kidnaps Tony to whine about how primitive Midgard is to someone who will listen/understand because it's infuriating, it's not as if cold fusion is hard. Tony takes notes and things spiral from there.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 93
Kudos: 759
Collections: Marvel





	The Iron Reindeer

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Bat for betaing and everyone on the FrostIron discord server who contributed to this crazy prompt.

It began, like many things in Tony’s life, with a kidnapping, specifically his. At least this time it wasn’t a cave and torture didn’t appear to be on the cards so he settled in for Loki’s inevitable villainous monologue. Yes, yes, puny mortals, backwards realm, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda. 

“I don’t understand why you primitives insist on burning fossil fuels for energy when cold fusion is so easy. You just need…” 

Wait, was Loki really telling him how to achieve cold fusion? 

BEST. KIDNAPPING. EVER. 

He looked around for a computer or a pen and paper or a stone tablet and chisel or anything. Ugh, why did his kidnappers never bring his phone or Starkpad? And how did someone have a room so stuffed full of books but no writing materials?

“What are you doing?” 

“Um…” _Quick, think of something,_ said his brain. “Looking for something I can take notes with,” said his mouth. 

Loki blinked and then his Starkpad appeared. 

“Any chance of a coffee?” said his mouth because apparently it had no survival instinct at all. 

Loki wrinkled his nose. “Why would I have that vile drink?” 

“Um.” Tony’s brain finally came online before he could say anything that would get him thrown out the nearest window. The nearest very large, very high window. Reindeer Games had a very nice lair. Not that he was wearing his reindeer horns at the moment, he seemed to be dressed in Asgardian casual which probably still meant more hidden knives than any sane person would carry. It was a good look on him. 

“I’ll just order some then.” So much for survival instinct. 

“Suit yourself,” Loki said, resuming his rant on how pitifully easy it was to achieve cold fusion with the right materials. Tony decided to order Loki a drink as well, just to be on the safe side. 

* * *

Sir had been kidnapped. Again. This time from the safety of the tower in a puff of green smoke. JARVIS was not pleased. He’d alerted the Avengers and set about combing through security footage in search of Sir and Loki. 

No luck. 

Then Sir’s Starkpad vanished in a similar swirl of green. 

_Are you well Sir?_ JARVIS sent, sticking to text for now since he didn’t know Sir’s situation. The camera showed Sir and an overflowing bookshelf but other than the lack of visible injuries or indicators of stress nothing particularly helpful. Loki was talking about something that he dismissed as not immediately helpful. Sir was his priority. 

_I’m fine J._

_I am triangulating your position now. As soon as I have it I will send your suit and notify the Avengers._

_NO!_

_Sir?_

_Loki is telling me about cold fusion._

Had he been able to JARVIS would have sighed. He recognised that gleam in Sir’s eyes. But, he could hear Loki’s voice in the background and it did seem that he was talking about cold fusion. None of the sensors he had access to indicated that Sir was in any distress either. 

_Send me a coffee J, from that place, you know the one? And err… tea for Loki? He seems like the kind of guy who would like tea right?_

Well, if Sir was ordering coffee then he was probably fine. 

_Of course, Sir, which kind of tea should I order for Loki?_

_Um…_

_…_

_…_

_Better go with hot chocolate just be on the safe side. Everyone likes hot chocolate right?_

_Indeed Sir. What shall I tell the Avengers?_

_Who says you have to tell them anything? I’m fine, just get me that coffee._

* * *

“Hey Loki, mind if Peter comes over?” Tony said, “he’s asking for my help with his homework.” It was a bit of a risk, Loki had technically kidnapped him, but he hadn’t objected to the multiple deliveries of coffee and hot chocolate, or the pizza, or even moving out of the study to the more comfortable couch in the living room. 

Besides, the one time Peter had shown up to battle with him Loki had yelled at them for half an hour about taking a child into battle before vanishing. Even the superspies had felt guilty once he was done and Peter had tracked Loki down to explain that the Avengers hadn’t called him in. Tony had no idea what had been said but afterwards Peter had magical protections on his suit. 

“The spider-child?” Loki asked, pausing mid-rant about the superiority of flying ships to cars. “Not if he brings ice-cream.” 

“What flavor?” Tony asked, having discovered a couple of hours ago that Loki didn’t mind intelligent questions. 

“Mint chocolate chip.” 

Tony rolled his eyes but emailed the kid back. “Now, you were saying something about propulsion systems?” 

* * *

The Avengers had found Tony Stark in a rooftop garden of all places. Bruce wasn’t sure what they’d been expecting, kidnapping wasn’t Loki’s usual chaos, but this probably wasn’t it. Tony was sitting at a table littered with empty take out containers and paper cups. He had a Starkpad in one hand and a coffee cup in the other. 

Loki sat on one side, his armor nowhere to be seen, and Peter on the other, Tony gesturing wildly as he talked and one of Loki’s illusions hanging over the table showing some sort of engine. 

They’d decided to send Bruce in the hopes that Loki would bolt rather than endanger Tony and Peter, both of which were without their suits. He opened the door carefully, hoping that they wouldn’t need the Hulk, it was a rather nice garden, very soothing, and he didn’t want to destroy it. 

“...If I… and then…” Tony mumbled, manipulating Loki’s illusion the way he would one of his own holograms while Loki smiled indulgently. 

“Can I be the test pilot Mr. Stark?” Peter asked, leaning forward. Loki whisked his cup away before he could knock it over. 

“No way kid, if anyone’s going to be testing out an experimental flying boat it’ll be me, I’m the one with a flying suit.” 

“I have my web-shooters,” Peter protested. “It’ll be fine Mr. Stark.” 

“Peter,” Loki chided.

Bruce cleared his throat. “Uh, guys?” 

“Brucie!” Tony cried, “have you come to join us? Loki’s telling us all about Asgardian science. It’s awesome. He’s awesome. I’m going to build a flying ship with a cold fusion reactor and, oh JARVIS, start buying up all the fossil fuel power plants would you, we’re not going to need them anymore.” 

“Um, I’m here to rescue you?” Bruce tried. 

“Rescue?” Peter asked with a puzzled frown. “Why would Mr. Stark need rescuing?” 

“But science Brucie bear,” Tony said, jumping up to tow him over to the table. “Look at this.” 

* * *

“Oh fuck, he’s got Bruce,” Clint said when, instead of chasing the Trickster off, Bruce joined them at the table. For a second they’d thought that everything was going according to plan. Loki had looked ready to run, Tony had been moving away from the homicidal god, even Peter had appeared slightly worried. 

Then Tony had actually reached Bruce and instead of fleeing to safety he’d towed the other man to the table, shoved a carton of Chinese at him and started explaining Loki’s illusion. Now Bruce was just as under Loki’s spell as the other two. 

“What are they doing?” Steve asked. 

“It looks like they’re designing something,” Natasha said. 

“Like what? Some sort of death ray?” Clint asked. He imagined that he could hear crickets chirping in the ensuing silence. 

“Nay,” Thor said unconvincingly, “that is not my brother’s style.”

“Oh, well in that case…” Clint grumbled. 

“SHIELD must have someone who can make sense of this,” Natasha said. 

“Not important right now,” Steve said. “Our priority is rescuing the hostages. Let’s call in Dr Strange, see if he can undo whatever mind control Loki has them under. At the very least he should be able to portal them away.” 

Natasha nodded. “I’ll call SHIELD, see if they can send us someone who understands whatever that is.” 

* * *

This was not going according to plan. Stephen had intended to simply portal the Avengers out of danger and then deal with the mind control. Unfortunately, the building was heavily warded and that plan hadn’t even got off the ground. 

That left the rather unappealing option of going head to head with a powerful sorcerer who currently had three of the Avengers under his control. Still, he was Dr. Strange, Master of the Mystic Arts, Sorcerer Supreme of Earth, he didn’t get to be where he was today by backing down in the face of a challenge. 

He’d overcome Dormammu, he could deal with Loki. 

He stalked across the rooftop, the Cloak of Levitation fluttering behind him. Tony and Peter were still playing with Loki’s illusion while Loki and Bruce were deep in conversation about medicine. 

Stephen slowed, the Avengers had said that Loki was working on a death ray, if he was working on biological warfare instead... But no, they seemed to be discussing… regenerative therapy. Curious, he moved a little closer and soon found himself drawn into the conversation. 

* * *

“Jesus Christ,” Clint yelled, “how the fuck did he get Doctor Strange?” 

The Avengers gathered around the monitor, watching Stephen take a seat and join the conversation. Even the Cloak seemed content with the current state of affairs. 

“We’re certain SHIELD still has the scepter right?” Steve asked. 

“First thing we checked,” Natasha confirmed. “This is something new.” 

“Now what?” Thor asked, his eyes fixed on the monitor. His brother was smiling, properly smiling, he’d forgotten when he last saw that smile. It almost looked as if Loki was happy though he did wish that Loki could find such happiness without controlling his shield brothers. 

“I think it’s time we tried a more subtle approach,” Nat said. “He can’t control someone if he doesn’t even know they’re there.” 

“Scott?” Clint asked. 

Steve nodded. “Call Scott in, I’ll contact Princess Shuri and see if she can make sense of this.” 

* * *

Apparently Loki could control someone without knowing that they were there. Scott had lasted longer than the others. He’d shrunk down to the size of an ant and flew over to the table, hiding under a wrapper and eavesdropping on the conversation. 

For almost half an hour they’d been able to hear what was being said undetected and then Scott had resumed his normal size, helped himself to a slice of pizza and joined the conversation between Loki and Tony. 

At the other end of the table Bruce, Stephen and Peter sat with their heads bent together, another of Loki’s illusions between them. They’d started slightly at Scott’s appearance and then just carried on. 

“I’m on my way,” Shuri said. They’d been streaming the video feed to her in the hopes that she’d be able to make heads or tails of it and she’d confirmed that Tony was working on some sort of energy source. 

The Avengers exchanged worried looks. Even with Wakandan tech, it would be hours before Shuri reached them and they still didn’t have a clear idea of what Loki was up to. They briefly debated the merits of a frontal assault but Loki’s minions now outnumbered them and they didn’t want to hurt their friends. Worse, they weren’t sure if cranial recalibration would even work. 

Finally, they decided to wait until they had more information. SHIELD had a couple of scientists en route. Shuri was coming and Hope had just called trying to track down Scott. If Loki made a move or it looked at if his mind whammied monkeys were about to begin construction then they’d attack but for now, they’d wait for reinforcements. 

* * *

When Steve had decided that they’d wait for reinforcements he hadn’t meant reinforcements for Loki. Hope had arrived and marched up there to drag Scott away by the ear only to have Tony pounce on her, waving excitedly at one of the illusions hovering over the table. 

She’d tried to shake him off, but Tony was insistent and his ~~mind control~~ excitement was contagious. Hope joined the table, muting the groans of the Avengers in her ear. 

“Pastry run, who wants what?” Tony asked the growing mob of scientists. A round of different answers went up all at once. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. One at a time. I may be a genius but I still need to hear what is being said.”

Loki chuckled, “Something chocolate, preferably, Stark.”

Bruce eyed Loki and tilted his head to the side, “How about a cream cheese danish.”

Scott just grinned, “Two whole boxes of donuts from Krispy Kreme.”

Hope rolled her eyes, “Yeah. Okay. Uh, I think I’ll go with some coffee cake.”

Peter bounced a bit, thinking, then babbled, “Can I get Reeses, Mr. Stark?”

Tony sighed, “Kid what have I told you about calling me that? And yes. You can get Reeses.”

Stephen sighed, “I think something healthier for me, Stark.”

Tony noted down their orders and had Jarvis send them out so he could get back to sciencing.

* * *

“Thor!” 

The Avengers all jumped at the sudden interruption and turned to face Jane. 

“We were supposed to meet for our date an hour ago,” Jane said, striding over to him. 

“My apologies, Lady Jane,” Thor said sheepishly. “My brother is controlling my shield brothers and sister into building a death ray.” He indicated the monitor and Jane frowned, moving to sit in front of it and scribbling in her notebook. 

“Do you understand what they are talking about Lady Jane?” Thor asked, peering over her shoulder. Sadly, her notes made no more sense to him than the conversation did. 

“Hmmm, I think so,” Jane said, getting up with her notebook clutched in one hand. “I have a couple of questions though.” Before they could stop her she vanished into the building and reappeared on the monitor a moment later, sliding into an empty seat next to Peter and joining the conversation. 

“Uh, what just happened?” Clint asked. 

“I have no idea,” Steve said. 

Natasha frowned. “Perhaps it’s some kind of mind control field?” The remaining Avengers exchanged worried looks. 

“Let’s fall back to a safe distance,” Steve said. “They’re not destroying anything.” _Yet_. “And we don’t know when this mind control field will start affecting us too.” No one mentioned that they didn’t know how far this field extended, not after Jane had so clearly demonstrated that they were in range. 

They retreated half a block before setting up shop and seeing that, impossibly, the situation had gotten worse. While they were moving Shuri had arrived and instead of joining them she had gone straight to the rooftop party. 

“That’s it,” Clint said. “I’m going to shoot him.” 

“You can’t just shoot him, Clint,” Steve said. “Look at Tony, he’s practically on top of him.” Tony was pressed up against the god, the concept of personal space clearly forgotten, and Loki had an arm looped around Tony’s shoulders and a small smile on his face as he looked at something on Tony’s Starkpad. 

“Hey,” Natasha said, “shouldn’t JARVIS be more worried about this? Since the initial alert, we haven’t heard anything from him and it’s pretty clear Tony has internet access.” 

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Nat,” Clint said, “don’t tell me he whammied JARVIS as well, Skynet is the last thing we need.” 

“My brother has expressed an interest in the Man of Iron’s creations in the past,” Thor said. “Perhaps they too have been corrupted by his latest spell.” 

“Excuse me,” Gemma said, “Director Fury said that you asked for some scientists to analyse Loki’s current project.” 

“Yes,” Steve said, relieved to finally be getting some answers. “Everything’s…” he gestured hopelessly to the monitors. “Princess Shuri confirmed that they’re working on an energy source but that’s all we know for sure.” 

“Death ray,” Clint muttered under his breath. 

“Come on, Fitz,” Gemma said, “let’s see what we’ve got.” FitzSimmons talked in hushed whispers about the surveillance footage though their voices steadily grew louder and more unintelligible as they used more and more jargon. 

Natasha sighed. “We should have asked for scientists that weren’t Stark fangirls.” 

“At SHIELD?” Clint replied. “Good luck with that.” 

“Wait!” Steve called but it was too late, Fitz and Simmons had already rushed off to join the rooftop gathering. 

“Seriously, what the hell?” Clint asked. 

“I think we’ve waited long enough,” Steve said. “It’s time to take action.” 

“Indeed Rogerson,” Thor said. “My brother’s scheme cannot be allowed to continue.” 

“Does that mean I can shoot him now?” Clint asked. 

“Only if you can get a clear shot,” Natasha said, performing a last-minute check on her gear. 

* * *

“Thanks, Mr. Stark,” Peter said as he finished his last homework problem. 

“No worries kid,” Tony said, flashing a smile across the table at him. “How are we doing Lokes?” 

“You forgot to allow for the magnetic resonance,” Loki said, tapping the equations in front of them. He’d long since given up arguing about the nicknames, besides, he rather liked this one. 

“I did not,” Tony exclaimed, “it’s negligible.” 

“Is not-” 

“Is too.” 

“Stark-” 

“Tony.” 

“What?” 

“Tony, my name is Tony Lolo.” 

“And mine is Loki, is there a point to this inane conversation?” 

“Yeah, you can call me Tony.” 

“Tony then,” Loki said. “You need to allow for the magnetic resonance because-” 

“Let them go Loki!” Steve shouted. 

Loki sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. _Midgardians. Honestly._

“Hey Cap,” Tony said, waving to his team, “what’s with the costume?” 

“He’s controlling you, Tony,” Steve said, holding out a hand. “You need to step away from him.” 

“I don’t think so, Cap,” Tony said. 

_Fwoosh._

Loki snatched the arrow out of the air, turned and threw it back at Clint with considerable force. “You do realise that had I dodged that would have struck the spider-child don’t you?” Loki hissed, his armor melting into place. 

“I’m gonna need a suit, J,” Tony said, narrowing his eyes at Clint as he rolled to his feet after diving under the arrow. 

_Crash._

Thor landed on the table, Mjolnir raised and lightning crackling around him. 

“Watch it,” Scott yelled, mourning the loss of his last donut, now squished under Thor’s heavy boot. 

“My homework,” Peter said, staring at it in horror. It was trapped under Thor’s other boot. 

“My notes on the Bifrost,” Jane said, snatching her notebook out of a growing puddle of coffee. 

“Cease this villainy at once brother,” Thor commanded. 

“Villainy?” Loki huffed, arms folded. “Is it not enough that you call my interests womanly, now they’re villainous as well?” 

“Surrender Loki,” Cap said.

“No.” 

The Avengers attacked. Loki’s impromptu science party attacked back, pissed off by the loss of their coffee, pizza, and groundbreaking scientific research. There were only four Avengers. Four Avengers who had had a very long, stressful day. There were eleven pissed off scientists. It was over in less than a minute. 

“Isn’t it almost your curfew, kid?” Tony asked, picking up his Starkpad which had miraculously escaped unscathed. He suspected that escape might have something to do with the glowing green shield that dissipated when he picked it up but Loki was too busy healing a cut on Jane’s arm to see his grateful smile. 

“Oh crap, Aunt May is gonna kill me,” Peter said, scrambling to grab his homework and backpack. 

“I’ll take you,” Stephen said, folding up his own notes and opening a portal. 

“Thanks, Doctor Strange,” Peter said, bounding towards it. “Bye, Mr. Stark, Mr. Loki.” 

“How many times…” Tony began, but Peter was already gone. 

“Is anyone else injured?” Loki asked, stepping away from Jane and repairing the shattered table and the damage to the gardens with a casual wave. 

“I think they are,” Scott said, sniggering at the four unconscious Avengers. Bruce was kneeling over Natasha, checking her for injuries though she’d gotten off lightly compared to Clint. 

Loki sniffed. “I’m not wasting my seidr on those cretins.” 

“Wouldn’t ask you to Bambi,” Tony said, smiling at him. “What do you say we do this again sometime? I know this great little place a couple of blocks from here.” 

“I would like that,” Loki agreed, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. 

“Yeah,” Scott said, “that sounds- ow.” He glared at Hope who had just hit him upside the head. 

“It’s a date you moron,” she hissed. Tony and Loki didn’t seem to have heard the interruption. 

“We should totally do this again though,” Shuri said. “I’ll give you all a call next time I’m in the States.” 

* * *

_Loki has mind-controlled Tony._

Goddamnitall. Rhodey had thought that Tones was immune to mind control. The frantic call from the Avengers seemed to suggest otherwise. Loki had mind-controlled the leading minds in SHIELD and the Avengers into building him a death ray. The rest of the team had managed to get them away (though they were a little unclear on how) but now Tony had gone back to him. 

There was only one thing to do. Rhodey had suited up and flown to New York. 

“So what’s happening?” he asked when he joined the Avengers in the tiny apartment they were using for stake-out purposes. They’d said that Loki had somehow compromised JARVIS as well. 

“They’re building a death ray,” Clint said. 

“We haven’t actually confirmed that yet,” Steve said. 

“Because everyone we called got sucked into building a death ray,” Clint said. 

“Right,” Rhodey said, focusing on the monitor. He’d expected a lair of some sort, probably something tacky and ostentatious, or maybe a lab, instead he got one of Tony’s favourite restaurants. 

Tony was in a black suit with red accents, Loki’s suit was a green so dark it was almost black. There was a red rose decorating their table and candles and… seriously? Loki and Tony were holding hands and sipping drinks and… 

Rhodey cringed and hit mute. They might be using science jargon, but he recognised innuendo when he heard it. Besides, that was Tony’s flirty smile with just a hint of shyness that only appeared when he really liked someone. He wasn’t as familiar with Loki’s expressions but the god was smiling slightly and no one had gone through a window yet so... 

“It’s a date you morons,” Rhodey said, rounding on the Avengers. “I left a briefing at the Pentagon because Tony is on a date.” Sure, it wasn’t the best choice of partners but Tony was fully capable of making bad life decisions on his own, no mind control required. 

“If that’s all I have a briefing to get back to,” he said, stalking towards the door. 

“It looks like he got Rhodes as well,” Natasha said once the door had closed behind him. Steve put his head in his hands. 

* * *

Loki had done it again. Same people, same rooftop, same ungodly amounts of take-out. 

“How is he doing it?” Steve asked. They’d tried cranial recalibration and hypnosis and, hell, they’d tried everything but none of it seemed to make a difference. Everyone that Loki had whammied had insisted that a. They hadn’t been whammied and b. They weren’t building a death ray. Instead, they babbled something about cold fusion, Einstein-Rosen bridges and a cure for cancer. 

Now they’d gathered again. 

“Shit,” Natasha said, “those are the scientists we showed the recordings to.” She indicated three newcomers on the monitor. 

“No way,” Clint said, “he can’t have had his mind control field up for a month, we would have noticed something.” 

“Were not these scientists in a SHIELD facility?” Thor asked. 

“And miles from Loki,” Natasha nodded. “Perhaps it’s voice-activated.” 

“But we have heard far more of this than most of the people under my brother’s spell,” Thor pointed out. 

“There must be something about us that makes us immune,” Steve said though none of them had any idea what that might be. 

“Wait,” Clint said. “That’s Doctor Cho, we were only able to show her transcripts and even she insisted that it wasn’t a death ray.” 

“So it is a field then?” Steve asked. 

“But Shuri was in Wakanda when we contacted her,” Natasha said. “If it’s a field… It’s a distraction,” she concluded. “If Loki is capable of mind control on such a large scale then he probably has minions elsewhere constructing the death ray while we’re focused on his garden party.” 

“Stark has been buying up power plants,” Clint said. 

“There’s one not far from New York,” Natasha said, reviewing the file. 

“Let’s check it out,” Steve said. “Avengers move out.” 

Clint, Nat, and Steve filed out, Thor stayed, staring at the monitors. He was beginning to doubt the mind control theory. And the death ray theory. His brother was smiling and laughing. Loki looked happy for the first time in years, centuries even, and Colonel Rhodes had insisted that his meetings with friend Stark were dates. 

Friend Stark was a far more suitable partner for Loki than those he’d courted in the past and since the gathering last month Loki hadn’t attacked New York once. Sure, he had made it rain diamonds but it wasn’t Loki’s fault that the mortals had fought over the tiny stones and the market had crashed. The Man of Iron had explained to him about monopolies and artificially inflated prices. Perhaps Loki really was telling his new friends how to build a Starkified flying boat. 

Maybe Loki would allow him to join them, though even Thor realised that that was unlikely given the way he had intruded upon the last meeting. Lady Jane had been most distressed by the coffee stains on her notebook but she was always pleased when he expressed an interest in her work. 

He would need a peace offering then. His brother was known to be fond of Midgardian desserts, particularly Black Forest Gateau, and it could be shared with the others if it was big enough. On second thoughts he’d better get two, Loki was not overly fond of sharing. 

Plans made Thor set off towards the nearest bakery. 

* * *

Doombots surrounded the rooftop garden party. 

“Doom has come for the death ray,” said one. Everyone stared at the Doombots blankly for a moment until Tony sighed. 

“You have got to stop getting your intelligence from SHIELD,” he said, “this is just embarrassing.” 

“You are not constructing a death ray?” 

“Does this look like a death ray?” Loki asked, gesturing to his illusion. One of the Doombots came a little closer to inspect it. 

“Doom believes it is an aircraft of some sort.” 

“Ding, ding, ding, give the man a star,” Tony snarked. A star-shaped piece of cake appeared in front of Doom in a swirl of green. 

“You could fit it with a death ray,” Doom suggested, cautiously extending one hand to the cake. 

“No!” exclaimed half the table at once. 

“The design of your inertial dampeners is interesting,” Doom said, coming a little closer. Everyone obligingly shuffled around the table to make room for him and Tony informed Doom that the next round of drinks was on him. 

* * *

“Anything?” Steve inquired when what was left of the Avengers regrouped after scouting out the power plant. 

“They appear to be shutting down,” Clint said. 

Natasha nodded. “I found some cargo manifests, the equipment is being dismantled and sent to half a dozen different locations.” 

“Any one of which could be home to the death ray,” Clint said. “What’s happening on the rooftop?” 

Steve grimaced. “The SHIELD agents watching the footage reported that Thor and Doctor Doom have joined them.” 

“Doom?” Clint repeated. “Tony is working with Doom? I thought that guy only just ranked above Hammer on the ‘Tony Stark thinks you’re an idiot list’.” 

“Well, there’s been no sign of Hammer yet,” Steve replies. 

Natasha frowned. “Thor seems like something of a deviation from Loki’s MO. He’s not human and he doesn’t have the intellect of the rest of his party.” 

“Muscle is always useful to have on hand,” Clint murmured. 

“With this crowd?” Steve raised an eyebrow. “Tony ‘I’d just cut the wire’ Stark is more likely to engineer something than put out the call for hired muscle.” 

“Loki wants Thor for the lightning then,” Natasha suggested. “He’s twisted enough that the idea of forcing his brother to power a death ray probably appeals to him.” 

“I think it’s time we called in the big guns,” Steve grimaced. 

“What- no, Steve, not her, you know how she gets when we call her away from a board meeting,” Clint said quickly, raising his hands defensively. 

“Do you have any better ideas?” Nat asked dryly. “If anyone can get through to Tony it’s Pepper Potts.” 

“Traitor,” Clint muttered but offered no further protests. It was obvious he was not a fan of the idea. Pepper was truly terrifying. 

* * *

“Does that not strike you as a little large brother?” Thor asked, indicating the completed schematic for their flying ship. 

“Go big or go home, Point Break,” Tony replied. “If we’re going to build a flying ship then we’re going to build one that’s big enough to fit all of us.” He waved at the rest of the rooftop gathering, their party having grown to include some twenty people with more being suggested for their meet up next month. 

“It’ll be just like the Caspartine in Stardust.” 

“Stardust?” Loki asked. 

“Oh my god,” Tony clutched at his chest dramatically, “you haven’t seen Stardust. How have you not seen Stardust? Magic. Flying ships. Pirates. J, find us a cinema that’s screening Stardust, somewhere must be running a Gaiman marathon.” 

“Ah,” Loki said, “I believe I have read the book.” 

“Oh, you’re one of those people,” Tony huffed. “Just don’t complain when the movie deviates from the book and I’ll forgive you alright.” 

“Why would I complain?” Loki asked, biting back a smile. “They are two different mediums, it would be foolish to expect the story to remain unchanged.”

“Yeah, well, a lot of people are fools,” Tony said, beaming up at him before getting back to work. Cold fusion engines didn’t build themselves. 

* * *

Pepper did not have time for this. Rhodey had already told her about Tony’s latest questionable dating decision and, honestly, she wasn’t too worried. Most of his dates with Loki seemed to involve things like food, leaving the lab and showering beforehand, all of which were good things. 

But no, the Avengers insisted it was mind control, even though Tony was immune and he’d flirted with the god practically from the moment that they met. Honestly, she wouldn’t have bothered at all, but Natasha had promised to do some digging into some particularly bothersome board members so here she was. 

“Thank you, Pepper,” Steve said. “You’re the only one who can get through to him.” 

Pepper rolled her eyes and squared her shoulders before crossing the street to the building that they had directed her to. The elevator ferried her to the rooftop which was illuminated by glowing green orbs of Loki’s magic as the sun set. 

The garden was more orderly than the lab, but she still recognised the detritus of a science binge; fast food cartons, empty coffee cups, notes, and schematics everywhere. The biggest difference was the number of people present, all of them with a familiar, slightly manic, gleam in their eyes. 

“Tony,” Pepper said. 

“Pep!” Tony grinned at her. “Have you come to join the party? We’re building a flying ship that runs off those cold fusion engines I was telling you about.” 

Yep, definitely a science binge. “I’m afraid not,” Pepper said. “I have a company to run and you have a board meeting to attend tomorrow morning.” 

“Aww, come on, Pepper.” 

Pepper raised an eyebrow and Tony fell silent. Loki smirked. 

“I’ll be there.” 

“Make sure you shower first and try to get some sleep. You don’t want to set a worse example than you already do for Peter do you?” 

“No, no, good example, that’s me,” Tony said quickly, jabbing an elbow into a sniggering Loki. Given the way Loki smirked and Tony rubbed his elbow afterwards she suspected it did more damage to him than the god. 

“Right,” Pepper said slowly. “Nine o’clock remember. Will that be all, Mr. Stark?” 

“Yes, that will be all, Ms. Potts.” 

Pepper nodded once and turned on her heel, making a mental note to order a round of salads, smoothies, and juices in the likely vain hope that Tony would eat something containing a vitamin. Now she just had the Avengers to deal with. 

* * *

“Tony isn’t with her,” Clint said, his expression falling. Pepper had been their last hope. 

“At least she got away,” Steve said. “She’s the first person to just walk out.” 

“She’s coming this way,” Clint said. “She doesn’t look happy either.” He gulped and took a subtle step back and behind Steve. Natasha rolled her eyes. 

“I’m sure you gave it your best shot,” Steve said when Pepper reached them. “I swear to you, we’ll find a way to free Tony from Loki’s thrall.” 

“No you won’t,” Pepper responded calmly. “Tony isn’t being controlled. He’s on a science binge with a hot guy. I suggest you leave them to it, they haven’t blown anything up yet.” 

Steve frowned. “Of course he’s being controlled. He’s working with Loki.” 

“And Doom,” Clint added as if she’d somehow managed to miss the looming figure in a mask with a mountain of star shaped food piled up in front of him. 

Pepper sighed. “He’s doing science, as long as it’s not hurting anyone ethics and morals come second.” 

“But-” Steve began. 

“I’ve wasted enough time on this nonsense,” Pepper said. “Nat, I want that information before the board meeting tomorrow.” She turned back to Steve and Clint. “You two need to get a hobby and stop stalking the group of idiot scientists.”

“I’m not stalking them,” Clint muttered rebelliously. “SHIELD has other people doing that for us.” 

Pepper shot him a cool look and Clint gulped and backed up another step, eyes darting towards his various escape routes until Pepper left, heels clicking across the floor. 

“He’s got Pepper as well,” Steve said sounding utterly defeated. 

* * *

“What the hell?” Tony asked when an explosion shattered the peaceful night of sciencing. Somewhat unusually the explosion hadn’t been caused by anyone on the rooftop. 

“Sir, the Avengers have been called in,” JARVIS reported. 

Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry, guys, looks like I’m up.” 

“No,” Doom commanded. “We’ve almost got this, the Doombots will deal with this petty distraction.” 

“Okay?” Tony said, drawing the word out as the Doombots streamed towards the explosion. “I ah, I guess I’ll keep working then.” 

“Do not worry Man of Iron,” Thor said. “I will watch over them and do what I can to apprehend the miscreants.” 

“Sure thing, Point Break,” Tony said, reassured that they wouldn’t be leaving the latest disaster in the hands of the Doombots and his stalkers. 

“Bring back some ice-cream when you return,” Loki said. 

Scott, who had joined them even though he was more guinea pig than scientist, quickly added, “We’ll send a list of flavors!”

“I shall return victorious with your ice-cream, brother,” Thor said. 

“Make sure you don’t melt it,” Loki said. 

“I would never,” Thor protested. Loki raised an eyebrow. “I will be careful, brother,” Thor said sheepishly. 

Tony snickered, “I get the feeling this has happened before.”

“Many times,” Loki said, “my brother is an oaf who refuses to learn from his mistakes.” In the distance, something else exploded. Tony winced. 

“The Doombots will carry the ice-cream,” Doom announced, settling the argument. Thor swung his hammer and took to the skies. Tony watched him go before Doom called his attention back to their current problem. 

* * *

“What the hell?” Clint shrieked. “Where did the Doombots come from?” 

“No idea,” Steve replied.

“Are they helping with the evac?” Natasha asked, lowering her gun before she shot the Doombot pulling a young woman from the burning building. 

“Nah,” Clint said. “They probably just want human shields.” 

“Fear not, friends,” Thor said, arriving on a nearby rooftop and summoning the storm to help damp down the fires. “Dr. Doom sent his bots to assist us in safeguarding New York.” 

“Definitely mind whammied,” Clint muttered. 

“We’ll worry about that later,” Steve said. “Right now we have civilians to evac and fires to contain. Nat, do we have any idea what caused the explosions?” 

“I’m guessing those guys,” Natasha said, eyeing a group of dark glad men lurking just inside one of the burning buildings. There was an alarming creak from above and in the second that she was distracted the men made a break for it, a half dozen running in every direction while more hung off a large truck that was gathering speed. 

Lightning lanced down from the sky, striking the truck, the thunder echoing Thor’s laughter as he engaged in battle. 

“We want them alive, Thor,” Steve yelled. 

“My apologies,” Thor said. “I got carried away.” 

“Carried away by your crazy brother’s mind control,” Clint muttered. Fortunately, Thor did not seem to hear him. While Thor did seem to be trying to restrain himself the Doombots were not, cutting down the criminals without hesitation. 

“The cargo must be parts that they need for the death ray,” Natasha said. It was the only thing that made sense, why else would Loki send Thor and the Doombots here? 

“Then we cannot let Thor and the Doombots secure it,” Steve said. “Once the evac is complete that truck is our priority. The scientists at SHIELD can tell us what it’s for.” Those that hadn’t been compromised anyway. They really needed to work out how Loki was pulling off his mind control this time. 

“Gotcha Cap,” Clint replied, shooting out the tires just in case it recovered from the lightning strike. 

With Thor and the Doombots helping it didn’t take long to achieve their primary objective and, strangely, the Doombots and Thor seemed more concerned with stopping the thieves than securing the cargo. In fact, once the last thief was incapacitated they all took off. Natasha thought she heard Thor say something about ice-cream. 

“What. The. Hell?” Clint repeated. No one answered. 

* * *

“Brain bleach, give me brain bleach,” Clint said, tumbling out of the vents into Nat’s quarters.

“What happened?” Natasha asked, dutifully handing him a bottle of vodka. 

“Tony,” Clint said. “Tony and Loki. Tony and Loki were naked in his bedroom. They were… they were...” He ripped the cap off the bottle and took a couple of large gulps. 

“Loki’s in the tower?” Natasha asked, disregarding the rest of his babbling. They already knew that Tony was compromised. 

Clint nodded and gulped down more vodka. 

“Did they see you?” 

Clint shook his head. “They were busy.” 

“Good,” Natasha nodded. “We need to get to Steve before they do.” 

“And then what?” 

“Send in a SHIELD strike team I guess,” Natasha said. 

“I would advise against that Agent Romanov,” JARVIS said. “Should you endanger Sir I will be forced to act.” 

Natasha and Clint both froze, Clint with the bottle still held to his lips, until Clint choked on his vodka. Natasha clapped him on the back until he stopped spluttering. 

“Let’s get Steve and regroup at SHIELD,” Natasha said. “Fury will want to know about this.” 

Clint pulled a face and then drained the rest of the bottle, with any luck he’d forget what he’d seen. 

* * *

Steve chewed his lip. Loki’s little rooftop garden party was scheduled for tonight though it had been relocated to Stark Tower. It seemed that they were ready to begin construction on the death ray. He really should go with Clint and Natasha as they attempted to infiltrate the gathering, but he wasn’t particularly stealthy at the best of times and he was no match for JARVIS. 

He looked at the file in his hand again. Bucky. After months of searching, he finally had a lead on Bucky. He couldn’t just abandon his friend, could he? Clint and Natasha seemed to be immune to Loki’s mind control whereas Bucky was still being brainwashed by Hydra. 

Well, when he thought about it like that his decision was clear. Clint and Natasha would be fine. Bucky needed his help. He still felt bad as he left. Their last direct confrontation with Loki hadn’t gone well and that was when they had Thor on their side and Loki had less SHIELD personnel with him. Now… Clint and Natasha were ~~assassins~~ spies, they wouldn’t try another direct assault.

Confident that his team, what was left of them, could manage on their own Steve set off into the city. It was time to bring Bucky home. 

* * *

“And another point to magic,” Loki crowed, stepping back from Bucky Barnes as the soldier blinked and looked around with clear eyes. Stephen stepped forward and spoke to the former winter soldier in a soft voice, making sure Loki hadn’t left him traumatised though the fact that he was calm and wasn’t trying to kill them all was probably a point in his favour. 

Tony sighed and added another mark to the tally chart on the whiteboard. Magic was winning and the winner got to name their ship. Tony had suggested _Reindeer Games_ and Loki had countered with _Tiny Tony_ (he wasn’t tiny, he was perfectly proportioned thank you very much). Doom had suggested the competition and how the hell had Doom become the peacekeeper of their little science club anyway? 

“If you just gave me another couple of months to work on BARF,” Tony grumbled. 

Loki rolled his eyes. “You’ve had just as long to work on BARF as I’ve had to work on my spells darling. I won.” 

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you to be graceful in victory?” 

“Spoken like someone who’s losing,” Loki retorted. “Besides, I grew up with this oaf, when have you ever known Thor to be graceful in anything?” 

“Point,” Tony conceded. Thor was many things but even Loki wouldn’t be able to describe him as graceful with a straight face. 

* * *

Steve wasn’t entirely sure where he was. His intel had led him through sewers and alleys and abandoned subway tunnels until he finally found himself in some sort of storeroom. It had been a long chase, the hours melting together and Bucky never seeming to get any closer but he wouldn’t give up. 

Behind him, the door swung open. 

“Hello, Stevie.” 

Steve spun, mouth dropping over when he saw his best friend. Bucky looked good, his combat gear replaced with jeans and a button-down shirt, his eyes clear and expression relaxed. 

“You have a new arm,” Steve said instead of something more normal. 

“Yeah, Tony made it for me once Loki finished fixing my head. Said something about science beating magic once more.” 

Steve swallowed. “Loki?” he asked, “Loki was in your head?” 

“He cleared out all the Hydra stuff and told me where to find you punk.” 

Steve’s brain stuttered to a stop. It still… it still sounded like Bucky, he hadn’t when he’d been under Hydra’s control and Loki had helped him. Steve hadn’t even been able to find him. 

A smile slowly spread across his face. “It’s good to see you again, Bucky.” 

“You too, Stevie,” Bucky said, holding out a hand. “Wanna get out of here and get something to eat? They’ve got quite a selection upstairs.” 

“Yeah,” Steve said, reminded that he hadn’t eaten in hours, “I could eat.” He took Bucky’s hand and the other man led him through the maze of corridors to an elevator that deposited him in Tony’s penthouse where there was indeed a table all but buried under every kind of take out imaginable with more food cooking in the kitchen. 

“Huh?” 

“I’m glad you have decided to join us, Rogerson,” Thor boomed as a place was made for him. “My brother’s cooking is delicious.” 

“Huh?” Steve said again, his eyes straying to the kitchen where Loki was wearing a green apron with the words ‘Kitchen Magic’ written on it and using a wooden spoon to fend off Tony’s efforts to steal bits of food. 

Bucky tugged him towards their place at the table and began loading up their plates, everyone passing him dishes that he just had to try. For a group of people under Loki’s control, they were acting surprisingly normally and Steve soon found himself joining the revelry.

* * *

“Goddamnit,” Tony said. One night a month, just one, was that too much to ask? According to the Godzilla strolling through downtown Manhattan, it was. It had already beaten back Thor, Steve, Bucky, Rhodey and the Doombots. He assumed that Nat and Clint were out there somewhere as well though the superspies wouldn’t talk to anyone that they thought was under Loki’s control. 

Loki sighed, his armor melting into place. “I’m sure that between all of us it won’t take long to deal with this latest nuisance.” 

“And then we can get back to sciencing?” Tony asked hopefully. 

“Of course, dear,” Loki said, “it would take more than an overgrown lizard to stop you from ‘sciencing’ as you say.” Loki wrinkled his nose, he still didn’t entirely approve of Tony’s use of science as a verb. 

“I bet Martians never have to deal with problems like this,” Tony muttered as he suited up. 

“Mars is uninhabited, Tony,” Loki said. 

“For now,” Tony grumbled. 

“You can’t colonise another planet just to get out of fighting monsters on science club night, Tony,” Bruce said, trying to inject a little reason as the rest of the heroes in the club streamed out to fight. 

“We’ll have to make do with a satellite then,” Loki said. “There is a perfectly good moon overhead after all and we have designed the ship with space flight capacities.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Tony said. Bruce groaned. “I’ll get Pepper on it right away.” Maybe if they started gathering on the moon they’d be able to have their monthly meet-ups without being called out to deal with the monster of the week. 

* * *

“Ta-da,” Tony said, presenting their ship for the first time. 

“ _The Iron Reindeer_?” Hope asked with a raised eyebrow. The rest of the group sniggered. 

“Don’t look at me, it was Peter’s idea,” Tony said quickly. His little competition with Loki had been at a stalemate when the crew he had working on the ship called to ask what its name was. There hadn’t been time for a tie-breaker and Peter had been in the lab with them. Letting him decide had seemed like a good idea at the time. 

“He gets his naming skills from Tony,” Loki said. 

“I feel very attacked right now,” Tony pouted. 

“I think it is a fine name,” Thor said, patting Tony on the shoulder. 

“I think you should fit the Iron Man suit with horns to commemorate this occasion,” Loki said. Tony groaned. 

“Dibs on being the pilot,” Scott said, running for the gangplank. 

“Doom will pilot _The Iron Reindeer._ ”

“Not if I get there first,” Peter said. 

Loki smirked and took Tony’s hand. The two of them disappeared in a shimmer of green and reappeared in the cockpit with Tony settled in the pilot’s chair. 

“Everyone is on-board boss,” FRIDAY said. Tony had considered installing JARVIS but given their long term plans, he’d decided it was better to boot up his second AI. JARVIS was busy managing America’s transition from fossil fuels to cold fusion anyway, not to mention the implementation of their new scholarship program and the trials for their cancer cure. FRIDAY would be responsible for managing their lunar operations. 

Tony powered up the engines, ignoring the groans and sigh of defeat from the other, slower, would-be pilots. The early bird got the worm and all that and if Loki just so happened to put up magical safeguards that meant that no one else could teleport aboard _The Iron Reindeer,_ well, he certainly wasn’t going to complain. 

“And we have lift-off,” Tony said as _The Iron Reindeer_ gracefully sailed into the sky. 

* * *

“Report, Agent Hill,” Fury said. Judging by her inability to keep her expression completely neutral it wasn’t good news though she made a valiant effort. 

“ _The Iron Reindeer_ has been sighted in the skies over New York,” Hill said. 

“ _The Iron Reindeer?”_

“The flying ship that Loki’s mind-controlled minions have been working on for the past few months.” 

“What about the death ray?” 

“Our analysts have been unable to identify it as yet, nor has Loki issued any demands.” 

It should have been good news but it was mostly worrying. “Have we made any progress in identifying and breaking his means of mind control?” 

“I’m afraid not, sir.” 

“Motherfucker.” 

“There is one more thing,” Hill said. 

“What?” 

“Stark has bought the moon.” Of course, why build a death ray on your flying ship when you could build it on the motherfucking moon? He didn’t get paid enough to deal with this shit. 

“You mean like the way some people buy stars?” 

“No, sir.” 

Fury sighed, “No, I didn’t think so.” 

“He has a press conference scheduled for later this afternoon, our intelligence suggests that he intends to announce the construction of the new Stark Intergalactic headquarters on the moon. Fitz has reported that _The Iron Reindeer_ has interstellar capabilities.” That they were unsure of his reliability on anything relating to Loki went without saying.

“It’s a pirate ship.” 

“A pirate ship with force fields.” 

“Get Coulson in here,” Fury ordered. “He can deal with these motherfuckers.” 

“Yes sir,” Hill said, seeming relieved that this was now officially someone else’s problem. 

* * *

“You asked to see us, sir?” Gemma asked. 

“Yes, sit down Fitz, Simmons, Director Fury asked me to look into the situation with Loki.” At this point Phil honestly wasn’t sure what would be worse, confirming that it was mind control or realising that Loki Silvertongue really could get the world’s brightest minds to set aside their enmity to build him a spaceship that looked like something out of Pirates of the Caribbean and was armed with a death ray. 

“Situation?” Gemma asked. 

“The one where he’s mind-controlled half of Earth’s leading scientists.” 

“We’re not being mind-controlled, sir,” Fitz said quickly. 

“Oh?” 

“He’s just really, really smart,” Gemma said. “Like Tony Stark smart.” 

“And he’s been telling us about Asgardian science,” Fitz said. “He even brought us some books from the Royal Library and put translation spells on them for us.” 

“And some alien tech,” Gemma added. 

“It’s not like the stuff SHIELD finds,” Fitz said. “It’s whole and fully operational and-” 

Coulson held up a hand to stop them. “Let’s start from the beginning.” 

* * *

It wasn’t mind control. That was… That was good, but it did leave Coulson with something of a problem since everyone who said so was assumed to be under Loki’s influence. And if he tried to protest, well, of course, he would, Loki was making him deny it. 

He allowed himself a tiny sigh and decided to attend the next meeting of Loki’s Science Club (and hangers-on) himself. Maybe he’d finally be able to get Captain America to sign his cards. He’d actually managed to replace the ones Fury had ruined. 

Maybe he’d finally be able to shoot the bastard who killed him though Fitz and Simmons had assured him that Loki wasn’t interested in world domination anymore. In fact, they’d said that he detested mind control, which was odd. And interesting. And rather worrying truth be told. 

At least they could take the Winter Soldier off the threat list. Maybe Loki as well, he’d gone from active threat to nuisance, if only he could convince everyone it wasn’t mind control. 

He went in search of what was left of the Avengers. Clint and Nat knew him well enough to recognise that he wasn’t being mind-controlled didn’t they? Of course, Tony had probably thought the same once. And Bruce, and Thor and… 

The food at this meeting had better be really damn good. 

* * *

“Consider this,” Coulson said. “It isn’t mind control.” 

“Sir?” Clint asked, pausing with a slice of pizza halfway to his mouth. 

“Do you think I’ve been mind controlled?” he asked. “I haven’t had any contact with Loki, I haven’t reviewed the surveillance footage or the transcripts, I haven’t even been on the same continent for most of this mess.”

“You were talking to Fitz and Simmons though,” Natasha pointed out. 

“If you thought that it was being transmitted through person to person contact you would have quarantined them,” Coulson said. 

“Yeah, but you didn’t suggest it wasn’t mind control until after you talked to them,” Clint said. 

“I didn’t have enough data to reach a conclusion before I talked to them,” Coulson countered. 

“So, you don’t think it’s mind control,” Natasha said. 

“No, I think Loki has done the equivalent of turning a bunch of kids loose in a candy store. Sure, they’ll try to kill each other later, but right now they’ve got candy to eat.” 

“And the candy in this case?” Clint asked. 

“Asgardian science,” Coulson said, “Thor always said his brother was a genius.” 

“What are you going to do now?” Clint asked. 

“Attend one of these meetings myself, get the lay of the land,” Coulson said. The meetings relocating to Stark Tower had really put a dampener on their ability to spy on them. Clint and Natasha exchanged worried looks and Coulson decided not to ask them for culinary advice. Fitz and Simmons had been quite clear; an offering of food was required to get admission. 

* * *

“Loki!” Tony shrieked when he caught sight of his reflection in the window while cruising past a skyscraper. 

“Yes, deer?” Loki asked. Tony swore he could hear the extra ‘e’ in the endeerment. He could definitely hear Loki’s smirk. 

“My suit has horns.” They were big and gold and a perfect match for the horns adorning Loki’s helmet. 

“I know, deer.” Loki was definitely laughing at him. Bastard. At least he’d just gone out flying, anyone he had to fight looking like this would probably fall over laughing. 

“Loki!” 

“Why do you assume it was me?” 

“It was your idea.” 

“So was settling the moon.” 

“Loki,” Tony said as patiently as possible. “The only other person with access to my suits is Peter and he would never do something like this.” Peter’s hero-worship was too strong for him to ever deface the suit. 

“I fear you’re underestimating JARVIS and the bots, deer.” 

Tony was never going to be able to hear that ~~endeerment~~ nickname again without cringing. 

“I’m going to make you pay for this.” Somehow, he just hadn’t worked out the details yet. Loki kept his armor in his magical pocket dimension so that was out, but there had to be something. Maybe JARVIS would have some suggestions. 

He returned to the tower before too many people could see him and grimaced when he saw that the entire science club (and Agent) had arrived early. Loki must have tipped them off. 

“Welcome back, deer,” Loki said with the most innocent smile Tony had ever seen. 

“Your horns are most majestic Man of Iron,” Thor said. 

“Hey, Rudolph,” Scott said. 

“My nose is not red,” Tony protested as the others chimed in with their own nicknames. The faceplate was gold damnit, it didn’t even have a nose. 

“You’re taller than Loki now, Mr. Stark,” Peter said. He was a good kid. 

“Is there a reason for this alteration to the suit?” Agent asked, somehow managing to keep a straight face. It was practically the man’s superpower. 

“It’s in honor of _The Iron Reindeer_ ,” Loki said. 

“I see,” Agent replied. “I brought ice-cream,” he added like the saint he was. That was enough to distract most of the club and everyone save for Loki returned to the table to eat and science though he spotted Stephen and Bruce making for the lab, they were still perfecting their cancer cure. 

“I’m melting the horns down for scrap,” Tony hissed at Loki, raising the faceplate so that he could treat the god to the full force of his glare. 

“Really?” Loki asked. “I thought you’d want to keep them for next month. What do you think everyone, should Tony keep the horns for Christmas?” 

“Goddamnit,” Tony muttered as everyone chorused their agreement. 

“Never, deer,” said the original reindeer, leaning in to kiss him. Tony would get his revenge but maybe, maybe not just now. 

“No reindeer sex,” Scott yelled. 

Okay, maybe now. 

* * *

Clint was torn. On the one hand, Coulson said it wasn’t mind control. On the other hand, that was exactly the kind of thing someone who was under mind control would say. Or someone who, you know, wasn’t actually under mind control. 

But it was Coulson and Clint liked to think that he knew his handler pretty well, well enough to spot it if he was under the influence of a psychopathic alien god hellbent on raining down destruction on New York.

… who hadn’t destroyed anything non-hostile in months. Sure Loki had flattened a few thugs and monsters who’d interrupted club night but that was it. Now everyone knew not to attack when the science club was meeting so he didn’t even do that anymore. 

And, on the other, other hand Coulson had shown him an awesome picture of Stark in his suit with horns attached and that was something that he just had to see in person. Tony the Red-Nosed Reindeer was too good to pass up. 

Maybe Coulson had been onto something with his whole check it out in-person thing. 

* * *

“We got Birdbrain, pay up everyone,” Tony said when Clint stepped off the elevator with a stack of pizzas. There was a chorus of groans around the table and then most of the club handed over their money. 

“Huh?” Clint said, looking for a free spot on the table. Given what he recalled of their one and only attempt to stop one of these meetings he didn’t think anyone would appreciate it if he set the greasy pizza boxes down on their notes. 

“They were betting on who would join next,” Coulson said, taking the boxes and setting them down on the kitchen counter.

“And I won,” Tony said, waving his winnings around. 

“You literally have enough money to buy the moon love,” Loki said. 

“The money’s not the important part, Merlin,” Tony replied, rolling his eyes. “Is that everyone? Is Nat coming?” 

“She didn’t say anything to me,” Clint shrugged. 

“Cool, I’ll have FRI bring the ship around. Lokes would you get the food?” 

Loki smiled and all the food vanished in a flash of green as a gangplank was lowered onto the helipad. Clint’s eyes widened, everyone had heard about _The Iron Reindeer_ but he hadn’t quite believed it until now. It was massive. And shaped like a pirate ship complete with sails. There was even a figurehead of…

“Really Tony? Pepper as a mermaid?” 

“I know,” Tony said, “she was disappointed by the lack of heels as well.” 

“Not what I was going to say,” Clint muttered, following everyone else on board.

* * *

“Boss, JARVIS is reporting an intruder in the Tower,” FRIDAY said. 

“Does this intruder have a name?” Tony asked, not looking up from the designs he was going over for their new water purification tech. 

“Agent Romanov, boss.” 

“Ah, guess she decided to come after all,” Tony said, looking around for Loki so he could beam her up. They really needed to build a teleporter actually. Loki seemed to be involved in all of their projects though Tony was proud to say that his were Loki’s favourites. Or at least Loki spent more time with him than any of the others, but right now he was elsewhere. 

DUM-E beeped and pointed over to where Loki, Jane, and Thor were working on the Einstein-Rosen bridge (or death ray as Darcy called it) that Jane planned to put on the moon. Well, Loki and Jane were working on it, Thor mostly just looked confused, but happy that his girlfriend and his brother were getting along. 

“Thanks, Bud,” Tony said, patting DUM-E’s claw. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be interrupting anything too important. He detoured by the freezer and picked up a carton of Loki’s favourite ice-cream just in case. He’d have to rely on Thor to distract Jane while Loki retrieved Natasha for them. As long as Natasha had remembered to bring snacks it would be fine. 

As he walked he started humming, it was good to have the team together again. 

* * *

Loki stood on the deck of _The Iron Reindeer_ scowling at the moon, specifically the SI logo that was now visible from Earth. 

“What’s wrong, Bambi?” Tony asked, wrapping an arm around him. 

“That,” Loki said, gesturing to the moon. “I did all the work to make this possible and now it’s your name on the moon.” 

“It could be yours.” 

“What?” 

“It could be yours,” Tony repeated. “Loki Stark, it has a nice ring to it doesn’t it?” 

Loki blinked at him. “Did you just propose?” 

“Um, I guess?” Even Tony had to admit that that hadn’t been the most eloquent of proposals. 

“Mortals,” Loki huffed, “don’t you know anything about proper courtship?” 

Tony, sensing another rant coming on, slipped a velvet box out of his pocket and went to one knee. “Loki, love of my life and kidnapper will you marry me?” 

Loki’s lips quirked into a tiny smile and then an outright grin, his emerald eyes shining with joy. 

“Yes, yes of course.” 

Tony slid the ring onto his finger, pleased to see that the emeralds really were an exact match for Loki’s eyes, and Loki pulled him to his feet and into a deep kiss. 

“I should kidnap you more often,” Loki murmured when they parted. 

“Yes, definitely,” Tony agreed as their lips met for another kiss. “Be pretty hard to beat the first one though.” 

“I think I’ll manage,” Loki said before they vanished in a swirl of green. 


End file.
